bear in mind that you can never treat a fellow creature unkindly, without offending the kind Creator and Father of all, and that you canno way render yourself so acceptable to him, as by studying to promote the happiness of others, in every instance, small as well as great-The favour of God, and the love of your companions, will surely be deemed rewards sufficient to ani mate your most fervent endeavours; yet this is not all. The disposition of mind, which I would recommend, is its own reward, and is in itself essential to happiness. Cultivate it, therefore, my dear child, with your utmost diligence-and watch the symptoms of ill-temper, as they rise, with a firm resolution to conquer them, before they are even perceived by any other person. In every such inward conflict, call upon your Maker to assist the feeble nature he hath given you-and sacrifice to Him every feeling that would tempt you to disobedience. So will you at length attain that true christian meekness, which is blessed in the sight of God and man; "which has the promise of this life, " as well as of that which is to come." Then will you pity, in others, those infirmities, which you have conquered in yourself; and will think yourself as much bound to assist, by your patience and gentleness, those who are so unhappy as to be under the dominion of evil passions, as you are to impart a share of your riches to the poor and miserable.

1 243

A LETTER

TO A VERY YOUNG LADY ON HER
MARRIAGE.

BY DEAN SWIFT.

MADAM,

THE hurry and impertinence of receiving and paying visits on account of your marriage, being now over, you are beginning to enter into a course of life, where you will want much advice to divert you from falling into many errors, fopperies, and follies, to which your sex is subject. I have always borne an entire friendship for your father and mother: and the person they have chosen for your husband, hath been, for some years past, my particular favourite. I have long wished you might come together; because I hoped, that from the goodness of your disposition, and by following the counsel of wise friends, you might, in time, make yourself worthy of him. Your parents were so far in the right, that they did not produce you much into the world, whereby you avoided many wrong steps, which others have taken, and have fewer ill impressions to be removed. But they failed, as it is generally the case, in too much neglecting to cultivate your mind; without which it is impossible to acquire or preserve the friendship and esteem of a wise man, who soon grows weary of acting the lover, and treating his wife like a mistress, but wants a reasonable companion, and a true friend, through every stage of his life. must be, therefore, your business to qualify yourself for those offices; wherein I will not fail to be your director, as long as I shall think you deserve it, by letting you know how you are to act, and what you are to avoid.

It

And beware of despising or neglecting my instructions, whereon will depend not only your making a good figure in the world, but your own real happiness, as well as that of the person who ought to be the dearest to you.

I must, therefore, desire you, in the first place, to be very slow in changing the modest behaviour of a virgin: It is usual in young wives, before they have been many weeks married, to assume a bold, forward look and manner of talking, as if they intended to signify, in all companies, that they were no longer girls, and consequently that their whole demeanor, before they got a husband, was all but a countenance and constraint upon their nature; whereas, I suppose if the votes of wise men were gathered, a very great majority would be in favour of those ladies, who, after they were entered into that state, rather chose to double their portion of modesty and reservedness.

I must likewise warn you strictly against the least degree of fondness to your husband, before

any witness whatsoever, even before your nearest relations, or the very maids of your chamber. This proceeding is so exceeding odious and disgustful to all who have either good breeding or good sense, that they assign two very unamiable reasons for it: the one is gross hypocrisy; and the other has too bad a name to mention. If there is any difference to be made, your husband is the lowest person in company, either at home or abroad; and every gentleman present has a better claim to all marks of civility and distinction from you. Conceal your esteem and love in your own breast, and reserve your kind looks and language for private hours, which are so many in the four and twenay, that they will afford time to employ a passion as exalted as any that was ever described in a French romance.

Upon this head, I should likewise advise you to differ in practice from those ladies who affect abundance of uneasiness while their husbands are abroad-start with every knock at the door -and ring the bell incessantly for the servants, to let in their master; will not eat a bit at dinner or supper, if the husband happens to stay out; and receive him at his return, with such a medley of chiding and kindness, and catechising him where he has been, that a shrew from Billingsgate would be a more easy, and eligible companion.

Of the same leaven are those wives, who, when their husbands are gone a journey, must have a letter every post, upon pain of fits and hysterics, and a day must be fixed for their re

Y

turn home, without the least allowance for business, or sickness, or accidents, or weather: upon which, I can only say, that in my obser. vation, those ladies who are apt to make the greatest clutter on such occasions, would liberally have paid a messenger for bringing them news, that their husbands had broken their necks on the road.

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You will perhaps be offended, when I advise you to abate a little of that violent passion for fine clothes, so predominant in your sex. a little hard, that ours, for whose sake you wear them, are not admitted to be of your council. I may venture to assure you, that we will make an abatement at any time of four pounds a yard, in a brocade, if the ladies will but allow a suitable addition of care in the cleanliness and sweetness of their persons. For the satirical part of mankind will needs believe, that it is not impossible to be very fine and very filthy; and that the capacities of a lady are sometimes apt to fall short in cultivating cleanliness and finery together. I shall only add, upon so tender a subject, what a pleasant gentleman said concerning a silly woman of quality; that nothing could make her supportable but cutting off her head; for his ears were offended by her tongue, and his nose by her hair and

teeth.

I am wholly at a loss how to advise you in the choice of company, which, however, is a point of as great importance, as any in your life. If your general acquaintance be among ladies, who are your equals or superiors, pro